A missive from the tortured poets department? Not exactly. Learn how KitKat’s GenZ daughter channels anxiety into creative expression…

Your mom and I started this blog when you were little, so I thought our readers would get a kick out of hearing about your latest adventures in self-publishing and learning more about the young woman you’ve become.

In your book, Falling Behind, you talk about your struggles with “selective mutism.” Back when your mom and I were in school, someone with this condition probably would have been referred to as “really shy.” And often when people think of shyness, they think it’s related to a lack of self-confidence. Yet, you’ve done some amazing things at a fairly young age—building followers on TikTok, getting sponsors for your posts, writing and publishing a book of poetry…pretty impressive, all in all. I would argue that these things also require a certain level of confidence to achieve. How do you view yourself in terms of confidence? Do you think of yourself as a confident person? What kinds of things do you find easy? And what do you find difficult?

I wouldn’t say I’m a very confident person. I actually read a book where the characters basically hid out in a place called “Poet’s Corner” and wrote poetry and there’s one that specifically stuck with me. It goes like this: “Shy, insecure, afraid to speak up? ‘Act as if,’ they say. Act as if you’re not. Stand tall when you walk. Project your voice when you talk. Raise your hand in class. Act as if. Speak your mind. Cut your hair. Be the part. Look the part. You can do this. Just act as if. If you really knew me, if you could see inside, you’d find shy and insecure and afraid. Acting as if. Ironic, isn’t it? The only time I’m not acting ‘as if ’? When I’m on stage.” – Every Last Word by Tamara Ireland Stone.

I believe that if you act like you’re something you aren’t, you start believing it yourself. I can see how it looks like I have a lot of confidence but like I said, I wouldn’t say I’m a very confident person. I approach everything I do with skepticism and curiosity. I very rarely will actually take the leap if I don’t know what’s on the other side first. But at the same time, I don’t always need to know the exact outcome. If there’s a possibility between a few things that could potentially happen, I’m more likely to dive right into it than if I had absolutely no idea what was going to happen. For me, the easier things would be things like doing stupid things for TikTok videos in public and the harder things could be things as simple as asking to go to the bathroom in the middle of class or talking to my favorite teachers.

I can relate to that. I once gave a sermon at church and people commented on how brave it was to do that, but in my head it was less stressful than making small talk with prospects at a business function!

I’ve always dreamed of publishing a book myself, so I was blown away that you managed to navigate the world of self-publishing at 16. What advice would you give to someone else who is interested in publishing a book? What was the most difficult part? What was easier than you expected?

My advice would be that the most important thing is finishing your manuscript. You don’t have to write it chronologically if there’s one part/poem/scene that you know you want to include. Do whatever it takes to get to the end. For me, the most difficult part wasn’t writing the actual poems or thinking of ideas, the hardest part for me was going through with it and the execution. No matter how many times I tried to write, I always thought my work was corny and cheesy and I still think it is. But I’ll never trash a manuscript, because the ideas are compelling, I just need to figure out a way to execute it better. It was easier to actually publish than I expected. I just clicked a few buttons and it was on Amazon within a few days.

Yes! You’re so right! I’m a big believer in progress over perfection, even though I have a hard time remembering that that’s the goal. I have a perfectionistic streak that sometimes keeps me from doing things because I’m afraid I’ll fail. Even though, I know that the best way to make incremental progress is to keep moving forward despite those fears. How do you go about challenging yourself to overcome your fears?

For every hardship I encounter, I create a reward system. Like a dog basically. I rate it on a scale of 1-10 on how hard it is, and my mom and I come up with a reward fitting for how hard it is. I’ve been doing this for a few years now and it has helped me do things that I never would have done otherwise.

Your mom and I talk often about the challenges that young people face in the world today—how difficult the pandemic was on your generation, threats like climate change, and the difficulty of being a teenager in the era of social media where every stupid comment or bad decision can live on in perpetuity via the internet. What role does social media play in your daily life? Are there any “rules” you impose on yourself to ensure you have a healthy relationship with social media and it doesn’t have a toxic influence on your mental health?

Social media is a tool as well as a thing to use for fun. Using social media can let people from all around the world know what you’re up to, and using it can also let you see what’s going on all around the world. Showcasing new fashion trends and small businesses, social media can be really helpful. I wouldn’t say I have any “rules” I impose on myself for social media because my main account, I just use for fun and only my friends/mutuals follow me on. On my most followed account (77k), I post edits of Disney characters and everything Disney. Yes some people comment on the conspiracy theories, saying they aren’t real (which I know they’re not real but it’s still fun to make) and by commenting, they’re just boosting my video. That’s how they got popular in the first place so I don’t really care what they have to say.

You’re at an age where you’re probably starting to think about “Chloe, the adult version.” What goals are you setting for yourself and what do you hope to accomplish?

I do eventually want to write more books. Although I do like writing, I only see it as a hobby and definitely not a career. So my goal for the rest of high school will be to write as much as I can and publish more books!

Lightning Round! Let’s learn a little bit more about Chloe…

Falling Behind is available on Amazon