Over the last several years, Stormy has been seeking direction.

When I was unexpectedly laid off in 2022, my subsequent job search revealed what I had always suspected—that marketing is a particularly age-sensitive field and age discrimination is real. Yet, it felt too soon for me to retire, so I decided to do some fractional CMO consulting work while I figured out my next steps. Marketing consulting is a tough gig for an introvert. In addition to marketing your clients products and services, you have to spend equal time marketing yourself.

As I was in this consulting phase, another marketing colleague was telling me about their new client who ran a MedSpa type of business, offering Botox, fillers and other “aesthetic” treatments. I was surprised (and dismayed) to learn that their target market was in their 30s! And while I won’t judge anyone for personally choosing treatments that may make them feel better about their appearance, I know that to effectively sell these products to thirtysomethings, a marketer would need to inject fear and insecurity into their hearts before they would agree to inject Botox into their young faces.

In today’s uncertain business environment, it’s difficult to pass up a paying client… yet, I’ve reached the stage in my career where I’m only interested in working with people and organizations whose values, products and services align with mine. Yet, I genuinely enjoy the social aspects of working, learning new things, and making a difference.

Meanwhile, on the home front, Oskar and I were discovering that you can’t outrun Parkinson’s indefinitely—although God knows, we’ve tried. Changes in his condition, like no longer being able to drive, are now requiring me to spend more time being a caregiver (a role that, anyone could tell you, I wasn’t exactly born for). 

The progression of Oskar’s PD symptoms also led to a host of related lifestyle changes this past summer: Moving from a condo with two stories to an apartment where all our living space is on one level, renting out our vacation condo, and downsizing half of our “stuff” to fit our belongings into the new, smaller space. 

When I had time to reflect on my situation—not loving consulting work, wanting more control over the products, services or causes that my efforts were going toward, and the need for a more flexible schedule at home to accommodate my husband’s illness—I had to ask myself… Was it finally time for me to retire? And what would that even look like? Oskar’s daily challenges made the stereotypical active retirement—lots of activities and travel—less feasible, so how would I fill my time? KitKat and I started this blog more than a decade ago (can you believe it?!) and in that time, I’ve reinvented myself again and again. Yet still I’ve felt aimless and discouraged. A friend suggested to me that as I face what is likely to be a more challenging stage with Oskar’s illness, that I needed find a way to not only accept my reality, but embrace it. To live a life of purpose vs. mere tolerance.

I’m still nearly a decade away from “retirement age,” but if there is one benefit of having a spouse be diagnosed with a serious condition at a relatively young age it’s this: It forced us to financially prepare for an unknown future. As a result, we never really subscribed to “lifestyle creep” as our incomes grew, but rather, we put as much as we could into savings—so that if either of us had to retire early, we would have the freedom to do that. 

I was mulling over my friend’s advice, but with all the downsizing/moving activity this summer, it was easy for me to push out any decisions about what to do next. So that’s what I did. I also knew that once the move was complete the election season would be in full throttle, and I couldn’t make a decision about my future without knowing what our nation’s future might hold. With Biden stepping down and Harris quickly pulling together an amazing level of support, I was hopeful and excited that we might finally get our country back on track. But I awoke in the early hours of Wednesday morning to headlines that absolutely shattered half the country. 

Talk about an unknown future!

After the initial shock wore off—replaced by a profound disappointment in my fellow Americans—I was surprised to find that I was oddly accepting of the situation. While I absolutely wish things had gone the other way, I firmly believe that some people can only learn important life lessons the hard way. And, unfortunately, this appears to be one of those times for many Americans. 

Anyone who has tried to reason with a MAGA cult member knows that you can’t. It’s the definition of An Exercise in Futility. Yet, because I have family members in the cult, I nevertheless persisted. For so much of the last decade, I have felt like we were at war with the mythological Hydra: Chop off one ugly head and a couple more appeared in its place. Lies. Disinformation. Hatred. Racism. Misogyny. Homophobia. Over and over. In addition to any personal challenges I was facing, I was constantly anxious and distracted by the news and social media. I found myself ignoring my health and using alcohol to calm my nerves. I lost my sense of joy. 

Last week, with my acceptance that Harris lost the election, came a realization that that particular battle was over. No, I’m not throwing in the towel on democracy. I will continue to work toward it. However, I’m no longer going to suit up and stare down the Hydra day after day. I’ve sacrificed a decade of my mental and physical health to an awful cult and I’m not going to give them another day. One week after winning the election, the incoming administration is already proposing a number of changes designed to undermine democracy. It’s clear to me that winning back our country will require a much longer-term strategy.

So where does that leave Stormy? One of my warrior outlaw in-laws sent a text on Wednesday saying she was working on a “sanity plan” for surviving these years under a wannabe dictator. I thought that was a great idea, but I took a slightly different approach. First, by drafting a personal Mission & Values Statement. Second, by drafting a Wellness Strategy. Together, I hope they will serve as my personal sanity plan. Here’s a high-level summary:

Mission & Values Statement

I believe that joy and positive relationships are essential to life, but each person must figure that out on their own (and some are slow learners). I will focus on cultivating joy in my own life by bringing my daily activities into greater alignment with my values:

• Maintain perspective – The problems of our society won’t be solved overnight or even in my lifetime. Realize that I have been given privilege and talents that I should use to help others, while also taking the time to appreciate and enjoy my one life. 

• Encourage beauty and creativity – I will do this by spending more time creating interesting and beautiful things, appreciating art and beauty, and helping other people live more creative lives. 

• “Do all the good you can…” – My whole career has been using my writing to persuade people and win customers, now I plan to leverage that experience to advance the causes I most care about. I also want to teach some of these skills to disadvantaged groups to help level the playing field. 

• Reclaim my religion – As a Christian, I’ve been particularly frustrated with the Christian Nationalist movement, as it basically contradicts every lesson Jesus taught and is responsible for driving people from the church in droves. Rather than abandon Christianity, I’m going to reclaim it and work harder to make sure people understand what Jesus preached—love for one’s neighbor without distinction for race, creed, gender or orientation. 

• Stretch and grow – I will continue to try new things and won’t be afraid of failure. Since I’m no longer chasing a paycheck, I can no longer be “fired.” This means that I really cannot fail at anything I do (so long as I learn something along the way). I also know that engaging in learning and discovery are the best ways to stay interested and interesting. 

• Accept that you can’t do it all – There are myriad ways for each of us to be useful in this world and everyone has a different role to play. Therefore, I may as well choose projects that fuel my personal enthusiasm and renew my spirit. 

• Rest unapologetically – I’m going to implement my Wellness Strategy and pace myself, so I can continue these activities for as long as I can. I’m in this for the long haul. 

And, because I think this is extra important for so many of us now, I’d also like to share how I intend to do this.

Wellness Strategy

• Limit exposure to 47 – This goes without saying. No more sneering orange face, no more grating, unintelligible voice. I can read analysis and transcripts to understand what he’s up to, but if I never see or hear from him again, that would be just ducky with me. Fortunately, there’s a good chance I’ll outlive him, and that will be a happy day indeed. 

• Limit the news – Like many, I’ve become absolutely disgusted with the mainstream media for normalizing a despotic criminal and treating him like a legitimate candidate. Moreover, exposure to news 24/7 is unhealthy. Instead, I’ll be checking in once a day to get a synopsis from a few trusted sources and do my best to silence the chatter.

• Limit social media – After the last election, I did some extreme curation of my social feeds. This was a lifesaver, and I will continue to keep my social media activity limited and positive. I want to spend more of my life offline than online. 

• Stick with my tribe – Spend time strengthening my relationships with those who share my values. Avoid spending time with those who don’t. This isn’t the same as ostracizing those on the other side. It’s just choosing to preserve my peace. I’ll continue to work toward their deprogramming (“thoughts and prayers” anyone?), but I will not spend my time socializing with them. Unfortunately, this extends to family members. When some of them are willing to put a target on the backs of others, they cease to be family for me. If/when they realize their grave mistake and are ready to accept responsibility, I’ll be happy to welcome them back in my life.

• Recharge and reset – Identify activities to proactively recharge my personal batteries before I “power off.” Spend time each week on creative projects to nourish my soul. Get out and attend museums, plays, lectures and other mind-broadening events. 

• Embrace exercise and nature – Be physically active. Workout daily. Get out in nature regularly. Soak up the sunshine. Experience the weather. 

• Focus on my health – Eat and drink in a healthy way. Reduce my sugar intake. No more using alcohol as an anti-anxiety med. No reliance on comfort meals that leave me feeling sluggish. Catch up on all the doctor’s appointments and screenings that I pushed out of the way when I was stressed or busy. 

• Distract by diving in deep – Do meaningful volunteer work or start a side hustle or two. Learn new skills and subjects in order to advocate effectively. Keep myself distracted with useful, purposeful activity vs. doomscrolling and worrying about the future. Cross each bridge when I come to it. 

I found this exercise good for my psyche. It gives me a sense of purpose, but more importantly, it restores a sense of balance that I’ve been lacking for far too long. If last week’s election is leaving you feeling unmoored, I recommend taking a stab at your own sanity plan… and I’d love to hear about it. I want all my righteous peeps to not only survive, but thrive, in the difficult years ahead.