Happy Anniversary!

On December 31, 2013January 16, 2014 By StormyIn Attitude, Blogging, Children, Girlfriends, Hobbies, Parents, Random, Relationships, Uncategorized, Work/careersLeave a comment

Our EasierSaidBlog is one year old! Last November, when we started discussing the idea for a joint blog, I don’t think either of us knew how it would go and whether we’d be able to keep it up, but in January we launched it and have been muddling through ever since.

At this reflective time of year, we thought it might be interesting to interview each other and share our perspective on the last year of writing together.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=knp9-GY6fHE&list=RDDINuAWoxy4Q

KitKat, what did you set out to do by starting a blog and do you feel like you’ve accomplished that?

I think there were a couple things wrapped into doing the blog for me. First, I had a constant “to-do” item on my list to start journaling. When you mentioned doing a blog together, it seemed like a good way to be held accountable to get that checked off. The other, bigger piece was it was always the talks with you and other friends that got me through times my mind was spinning. Whether it was talking over inane things, kid concerns, wishes and wants, or feeling overwhelmed, simply talking it through always ended up lifting my spirits and let me know I wasn’t alone. The blog seemed like another release to let out some of those thoughts and to share with others that none of us have it perfectly under control, are above making mistakes or have it all figured out.

As far as accomplishing what I set out to do, I did stick with it so my “to-do” was accomplished. As for the less tangible goal … when I wrote about Learning to live in the maybe, I had friends—some I haven’t had a chance to talk to for a long time—reach out and let me know they were there for me without judgment and no matter what happened. They didn’t need details, just wanted to support me. So I’m not sure the blog has helped anyone else feel “not alone,” but it has certainly reminded me!
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Stormy, do you have favorite parts of, or experiences about, the blogging process?

Well, it sort of changes how I look at the world. I think you’ve mentioned this as well—how you look at odd situations or funny experiences and think of them as “blog material”… The interesting thing is, sometimes episodes that seem ripe for documenting just don’t translate into the written word very well. And other things that seem simple can take on new dimensions when you start writing about them.

The other thing that I find fun is looking at our blog stats—reach of readership, who follows, likes and comments. We’ve been read in 44 countries! Who is reading us from the Maldives? Introduce yourself and say “Hello”! And let’s not forget the copious offers to help us with SEO. (Hint to same: We’re both marketing directors, if we were concerned with site optimization we’d hire someone we know to do it, not an Internet spammer.)
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KitKat, what has been the biggest challenge of doing a blog?

Time! Though once I do sit down and write it always calms me to be doing something reflective and just for me, finding the time to do something that isn’t a “have to” is tough. A kid who won’t go to sleep on time, an unplanned work project taken home, or an extra hockey game scheduled can all derail a planned time slot to sit down and write.

For this blog post, the biggest challenge is my kids are on Winter Break so I am writing this with a ton of chatter in the background and a house strewn with holiday gifts. It is hard to think, much less write, in such chaos.
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Stormy, have there been any posts where you hesitated before pushing “publish” or decided not to make public?

Yes! Basically any of the posts about my mother. For a grown woman, I’m ridiculously self-conscious about my mother’s opinion of everything I do. I know she would be appalled at some of my posts, but the process of getting these frustrations down on paper is strangely cathartic for me.

There are other posts where I might hint at something from my real life, but keep the details veiled. Like Stormy’s identity, I don’t like to reveal everything about myself to the masses. I need to maintain the illusion that I (mostly) have my act together. (LOL)
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KitKat, where do you find inspiration for your topics?

It seems my life is full of inspiration for topics, the good and the bad. Kids for sure. Girlfriends. Family. The biggest, though, seems to be wherever my mind is wandering at the moment I write. There have been lots of times, for example up at the cabin with a girlfriend, that I will jump up in the middle of a funny conversation and jot down an idea. Friends and family have grown accustomed to that. The funny thing is now I have this long list where, at the time each was jotted down, my brain was already creating the post around the idea. But when I actually have time to sit and write, the inspiration has passed and I end up writing about something that is currently on my mind—even when I struggle with knowing that my list has the potential for more interesting posts than where my brain landed on the day I write.
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Stormy, have there been times when you have had writer’s block or struggled with a topic?

Oh yeah. I definitely need to be in the right mood to write a post. Some topics I mull over in my mind for months before they slowly, painfully make it onto the page. Others come spewing out in 20 minutes of frenetic writing. There’s no logic to it either. Sometimes, the more I have to say about a topic, the harder it is to get those thoughts on paper.
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KitKat, we’ve known each other a long time and used to work together. Have you learned anything that surprised you about me?

Admit it: He's creepy! — Admit it: He’s creepy!

Big Bird, belly buttons and wool were all oddities I knew you hated. I actually remember tormenting you on your 40^th birthday at work when we all hung photos around your office of your least favorite things. I also knew you had my control freak nature and not a lot of tolerance for things you found stupid. So I had no illusions that you didn’t have some “idiosyncrasies.”

I have learned the boss and mentor who “had it all together” is a lot more like me. Actually, I learned just how much we are alike. I also learned that you are great at giving sound advice and not so good at taking it yourself, whether from me or from your own wisdom. I also was surprised about your “whimsical side.” Very out of character and an interesting dynamic. For some reason, I think you will keep surprising me.
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Stormy, back at you—anything that surprised you about me?

The cushion confession absolutely slayed me. And the “wet bread” thing will forever color my menu choices when I invite you and the hubby to dinner. Other than that, no big surprises—by this point, I think we understand each other pretty well. Actually, I take that back. I’m surprised by the fact that you’ve been able to stick with this so long, given all the other demands on your time.
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KitKat, which do you consider to be your favorite post?

That is a hard one! Do The Bloggers and About count as posts? I think those and the initial stories you and I posted were my favorites simply because it was the beginning to our blog. We admitted who we were and started down the blogging path.

I do still get a kick out of writing and reading our joint blogs like the True Confessions and Phobias. I would like to do more of those this year.
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Stormy, do you have some posts or overall blogging plans already on the agenda to tackle in 2014?

We’ve talked about doing a “cabin post,” but I have trouble trimming that down to a manageable length. And I’ve thought I should do one on adoption—but that’s another topic that I could go on about for days. When I can come up with “that one key idea,” I’ll be ready to tackle those topics. Otherwise, I’m just curious to see what unfolds in 2014. I’m sure there will be no shortage of material. 🙂

No more green bean episodes

On December 25, 2013 By KitKatIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

Unlike Stormy, I do let the holidays get to me a bit. “A bit” may an understatement. As the holidays rolled in, I was reminded not to have another green bean episode this year. An episode that spiraled when, after careful planning to avoid the holiday grocery lines on Dec 23, I came home to my family eating the green beans needed for a dish I was bringing on Christmas Eve. Yes, it sounds crazy that I lost it over green beans. But really, when have they ever chosen to eat green beans?! Plus, it was perfectly timed for when I needed somewhere to let my tension explode. I had found my target. Hence, the green bean episode.

This holiday season started like all others. Around September, my mind starts thinking about the holidays. I start keeping my eye out for the perfect gifts. This year, the Centennial Lakes Art Fair that I attended with Stormy was the place I purchased my favorite gift during one of our needed friend-therapy sessions. (We both are great multi-taskers.) As the months go by and not all gifts are as perfectly stumbled upon, I start to feel the tension building.

Being self-aware and remembering my past holiday stress tantrums, I have tried to do a couple of things to avoid becoming a Christmas freak show.

My first step was to stop sending holiday cards. It was always pushed to the end of my list. I never had my contacts organized, so I always ended up addressing my cards late at night with a pile of envelope scraps (from past senders) with no joy involved. Plus, when I did do cards, I had the self-created pressure that as marketing professional I was expected to have a really cool card. Enough years later, I am completely comfortable with the fact that anything I do at work is not something I enjoy doing in my leisure time. Everyone else can enjoy those fun, creative projects.

With that said, I love getting holiday cards. So thank you to those who still send me one without getting one in return! Every year, I think that is going back on the list next year. Just in a more efficient way.

Seriously, we get a lot done! Music and dancing helps get our minds thinking.

I have also added a shopping weekend with my girlfriend to alleviate some of the stress. The sell of this weekend to our husbands is we agree to do all of the shopping and organizing if we can get away for a kid-free, responsibility-free weekend. A shopping staycation.

Online shopping has greatly improved the quality of this weekend.

Usually I am calm and feeling organized up until this point, the week leading up to Christmas Day. I wrap presents each night as I count down. As long as nothing tumbles, I think I am stress-free. The problem is something always tumbles. Or possibly, I just don’t acknowledge the building stress ’til this final countdown. If I am being honest, the wrong look at a present I chose, a missing ingredient, or the tape running out as I wrap presents could each set me off.

This year though, Stormy’s blog came at just the right time. I read it as I was wrapping presents and looking ahead to some time off. The Holiday Break division of labor. Each of us taking a week off to cover for the kids at home. My shift was pre-holidays, including the extra Friday the school threw in in addition to the other two weeks off! I decided to heed Stormy’s advice and cancel the list of pre-Christmas plans I had made to make the most of my time off.

Instead, I spent four days in my pajamas. I wrapped presents watching The Vampire Diaries in the middle of the day while my kids played too many electronics. None of us had rules. It is the most relaxed I have been. My daughter brushed my hair while I had a glass of wine and played on the iPad, telling me she’d miss me when I had to work again. My 10-year old son let me tuck him in and show him how I used to stroke his face as a baby until he fell asleep. I actually enjoyed doing a lot of nothing and was rewarded for it. The only thing I did was load the dishwasher quickly before my husband got home each night to prove a long-term point.

Well, I made it through without an episode! I keep surprising myself by discovering all of the things a person can make it through, especially with the advice and support of friends.

So to all my wonderful girlfriends: Thank you. Thank you all for getting me through the year and filling it with not only support but fun and laughter. Those who reached out when I haven’t talked to them forever, but wanted me to know they were there; to my walking partner who has been a perfectly timed gift and will be my friend even when not in need; my amazing “mom” friends who make me feel sane and have become my own friends with or without kid connections; my amazing sisters; and my few soul mates–you know who you are.

I can’t wait to see what next year brings us all.

Just Breathe

On December 1, 2013December 2, 2013 By KitKatIn Attitude, Health/fitness, UncategorizedLeave a comment

True to form, it is about a month away from the end of the year and I finally decide to check out my progress on accomplishing my vision board. Not exactly true to the philosophy behind it, but that’s exactly the way I work: Procrastinate and then excel in crisis mode.

KitKat's vision for 2013 — KitKat’s vision for 2013

Overall, I was pleasantly surprised how well I had done … maybe there is something to this envisioning. My board’s subliminal messages seemed to have seeped into my life. In fact, I didn’t even remember having “Needing Las Vegas” on it and I just booked a girls trip to Vegas. Check!

On the downside, I didn’t quite create the ass and stomach I envisioned. And, even with my talent of getting shit done when the pressure’s on, at age 44 that goal is going to take time and work. If I wanted to be realistic, perhaps it is a vision that might not be attainable past the age of 30. But I refuse to give up on all of my dreams just yet.

Well, back to the board … one thing that seemed like a big miss and easy to do was yoga. I used to be a die hard. I loved how it made me look, how I felt and what could do. It’s why I put it on my board, yet 11 months later I still have not reinvested myself.

This I know I could do. And, it is probably the perfect time for it. Between being insanely busy at work, the holidays, and my “hockey mom” role starting up again, I could use some “me time.” Add on having had two cars totaled in the past two months (one just a few days ago and thankfully escaping with only bruises and repeat car shopping torture), I obviously need some focus. Plus with the weather turning cold, the thought of escape to a heated room has its own appeal.

So the past few weeks I have been spending a lot of time at yoga. It is addicting. One hour of sweating and contorting into poses I almost forgot my body could do is my new release. I also forgot how wonderful it was to have someone reminding me to breathe. Seems like that should be natural, but for me it’s like I have been holding my breath ’til I walk into that room and then I can finally let go.

Also as a competitive girl, even with myself, I was impressed with how quickly it all came back. My body could contort into ways I had forgotten. My mind is so quiet when I am challenging myself into poses. This may sound simple. Especially if you’re a true yogi, since isn’t yoga about a quiet mind and focus? But for me it doesn’t happen. My racing mind only quiets when my body is pushed into an extreme. And even then just for a moment. Once I accomplish the challenge my mind starts congratulating myself. Next I start thinking about what else I could do that I haven’t tried and should add to my list … and the race goes on. No I will never become a true yogi. It just is not natural to my nature. As much as I wish it was.

Then there is also the added benefit of focused time at the end of each class to get my list organized in my head. This is supposed to be the time to completely quiet my mind and let all go. My best move during savasana was realizing that’s impossible and to stop fighting it. (The more I am told to relax, the worse it is.) Instead, I embrace the chance to lay in a lovely position with no other demands on me except sorting out the list in my head. I have no problem twisting that into reasoning that I am following the advice given to me each class: It is your own practice and do what your body feels. Listen to yourself.

By the way, why is breathing so hard? … Or is it just me?

The Case of the Missing Socks

On November 4, 2013November 6, 2013 By KitKatIn Uncategorized1 Comment

I’m not sure how to explain to family and friends that I may need to get a divorce over socks … well the lack thereof. My husband and I have worked through some big challenges in our thirteen years of marriage but the socks have sent me over the edge. Actually, perhaps murder with sock suffocation is another option to consider. I would get more sympathy as a widow.

I am sure I sound ridiculous, but let me try to explain. Or, if nothing else, get it out. Even at the risk of seeming idiotic.

It was Halloween night. My husband and I are joining friends in their neighborhood to take the kids trick-or-treating. I’m picked up by my husband with kids in tow. (Presumably dressed in the costumes I carefully laid out before I left home that morning.) Arriving at our friends’ house, my son jumps out and runs to meet his friends. I go around the car to let me five-year old out. As soon as I open the door, I look down and ask, ”Why does she not have socks and why is she wearing Crocs?”

Note: Boots and socks in costume dress rehearsal

Ok, admittedly I may have said it a bit harshly. I am not known for hiding my facial expressions or watching my tones when I’m mad or in disagreement. But, at this critical juncture there were two ways this conversation could go. My husband could suck it up and say something along the lines of “Shit, sorry I totally missed that with all the running around, do you think we could borrow socks?” This approach would have kicked me into my just-take-care-of-it mode. He would have to be the brunt of a few jokes throughout the evening, but this approach would have pretty much squelched my temper. But, instead he took his other approach: The defensive one. “You have to be kidding me, are you seriously mad at me?” Then, as he kept trying to turn the tables, I actually heard him say in an annoyed voice, “It was hectic.”

Hectic????? Let’s revisit my past three days.

Between work and sleep, the past three evenings included:

Gymnastics, sax lessons, and two days of hockey tryouts. (Yes this was in three evenings.)
Searching for a costume for a ten-year-old who, last minute, decided to dress up. Not an easy task at picked-over stores with a picky son scouring for something funny to wear (funny, yet not embarrassing).
Picking up assigned pumpkin sugar cookies for the school party (which required me going to three stores to secure).

I was actually quite proud of all I accomplished without a meltdown or taking my stress out on innocent family members. That morning, I left for work with all costumes laid on the table and notes for my sitter and husband with explicit instructions of what was to take place after school until party arrival. (Granted, I did not add “make sure she wears the socks and boots laid out with her costume” a point which I did sarcastically apologize for at some point in the argument.)

So, back to the scene at the car with my daughter and husband. In Minnesota it is pretty critical that you are not barefoot with sandals at the end of October. (In fact, it’s snowing as I type this.) Especially at night when you’re running from house-to-house for hours. So in answer to his question about if I was seriously mad, I shot him “the look” (proving I was angry at him), which then kicked his defensive tactics in stronger. “How would I know I’m supposed to check her feet?”

With my head spinning in anger, I stopped talking (which made all parties know I had hit crazily mad levels). And breaking the silence were more defensive statements, including his favorite three:

“Really, what did I do?”
“Are you crazy?”
“I guess I can’t do anything right.”

These are his top infuriating plays. This was when I sent my daughter in the house with my husband and drove away.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vWy8_Wq03Ic

Now, I know I sound crazy, but I must get some credit for driving away versus acting on all the violent actions running through my mind. I could have inspired a great horror movie with a sole male victim. Instead I had a lovely drive imagining how easy life would be now that I had no one to take care of and I could go sell my toe rings on the beach.

Thank God for a good friend who knew just the right amount of time to let me go, and who then texted me to come back (letting me know my husband was out trick-or-treating with the kids) and who waited without judgment and with wine. She brought me back to reality, so I didn’t miss all of the Halloween I had worked so hard to prepare for. Plus, I couldn’t desert my kids—otherwise, they’d be running around with no socks all winter!

I enjoyed the party, my husband and I politely ignored each other, and I underscored my point by sleeping on the couch without another word said. Which seemed to get him a good night’s sleep while only leaving me with a restless night and a sore back.

The next morning went back to normal, because we are forced to coexist and function in our chaos—running around getting breakfast prepared, kids ready for school and both of us off to work. I did get a text later, “Let’s just forget it ever happened, no need to apologize.” My blood started to boil again but I was able to restrain myself by sharing the sock story with my sympathetic female coworkers who all had similar stories to share.

There was never an apology, but I did come home from work to him preparing dinner and having already picked up the house. I know the next few days will be full of his silent make-up gestures that I will take full advantage of. As he handed me the drink he had waiting for me after work, I got the last word on the subject:

“I am blogging about you.” I calmly stated and walked away.

A Moment of Bliss

On September 21, 2013 By KitKatIn Attitude, Uncategorized1 Comment

As I mentioned in my last blog, there are a lot of unknowns in my life right now. I am working on “living in the maybe” and also rebuilding me. The two knowns I have are that I want to be happy and I want to be the best mom I can be. (Not a perfect mom – I totally embrace my children will learn a lot from my not-so-perfect ways. At least I certainly hope so!)

One thing I have learned about myself is when I am trying to be calm and going with the flow in one area, that restless energy inside me still comes out elsewhere. No matter how many walks, Daily Love Blogs, yoga, and introspective books I throw myself into … there is part of me I can’t change. I am not a great relaxer. Thus far, it has seemed to work to my benefit. The reallocation of energy has shown up in some great new ideas at work, led to better organization of my house and our schedules (though the kids aren’t as keen on mom’s new thoughts for “healthy” routines), and has even allowed me to knock a few thing off my my vision board. So not controlling one area hasn’t slowed me down but has actually given me more energy to refocus in other places. Though, I still strive to find a way to truly take a break from it all. A chance to take care of just me. Strangely, with all the searching, a true break hit me in an unusual and unplanned way.

Lunchtime for me is usually comprised of one of three scenarios: Eating at my desk to cram in one more project, a mid-day work out, or a list of errands that I need to knock off. Today was the last one, which included a quick run home. It was planned to be such a quick trip that I even left my phone in the car (and with it all the work emails I often answer as I am on the PowerPlate or speeding through Target grabbing supplies for last-minute homework projects). But what I found when I walked through the door surprised me.

It was quiet. I was alone. It was peaceful. I didn’t want to leave. Why not at least make a quick lunch? Then I decided, why not pour a glass of wine, too? There are no words to explain how it felt to sit in my house in middle of a weekday. Not working or checking emails. No one telling me long detailed recaps about the last episode of “Jake and the Neverland Pirates.” No one bartering who does which of this weeks to-dos and chauffeuring needs. It was just me, in my own house, in the middle of a weekday. I have no idea when the last time was that I experienced that. My mind was as quiet as my house. I was just enjoying my wine, food and the moment. I was completely present.

I wish I could schedule those times or recreate it again. But I think they just happen. I am not sure if they are truly few and far between or perhaps I haven’t stopped to notice them. I hope for everyone that they find a pure selfish moment in what might seem like a mundane scenario to others. It was perfect.

So Stormy, this may be one of my broken windows needing fixing.

Learning to Live in the Maybe

On August 28, 2013 By KitKatIn Attitude, UncategorizedLeave a comment

As Stormy mentioned, summer seems like a time for a break. I got lazy in my blogging. Lazy in anything I had to do. Well, today the school bus arrived and the kids were sent off to school. Though it is in the high 90s, summer is over and a new year has begun. For some reason, I am still on a school calendar year. I never transitioned to New Year’s being the start of a new year. It has always been the end of summer that signals a new start. Which also means now is the time to get back into my routine including blogging and hectic kids schedules. It also is the time to see what the new year has ahead for me.

If I am going to be completely honest, well, as forthcoming as I will be online, I have made a bit of a mess out of my life. Let’s just say I have some cleaning up to do but no answers or clear path on how to get it done. The best way to describe it is I feel like my life is a snow globe that got shook up and right now it is still in small floating pieces. Everyone, including me, is looking in wondering what the landscape will be once the storm settles.

This means I am heading into my new year without an action plan. For a control freak like me that is a bit of a problem. I am good under pressure. Give me a problem and a goal and I can put together an action plan and go after it. Give me a lot of unknowns and I am a basket case. My head is reeling and I have never been able to just make it “stop.” Not even as a focus on a vision board. I still cringe at that word “stop.”

But, it looks like I have no choice. For awhile, I will be living in the maybe. My friend sent me that blog from The Daily Love. She had been quoting out of it for a good year. I never read any of it. Thought some of the quotes were nice. Maybe a bit too many daily affirmations.

http://youtu.be/NuGf34F0f5g

I always respected it was helping her get through some struggles, though. So this time, when she sent me a quick note the day after hearing what I was going through and thought it was time for me to relax and trust and read “Can you live in the maybe?” I decided,what the hell? Now it has become my new action plan in a land of unknowns. Granted, I have to reread it multiple times a week to remember to quiet myself down.

So, as I try to live in the unknown a bit. I have now found one new thing that helps. Yes, I embarrassingly admit my morning ritual is a walk, coffee and my Daily Love email. I also have found lots of standbys that still help and have never let me down.

Dancing
Girlfriends
A glass of wine

And, if nothing else I am learning for the first time that not everything comes instantly. (And, thank goodness for a crazy family and work life that distracts me from wanting to know the end of the story. I have great hope to make this chapter a good one and take a minute to live in the present.)

I guess this is the year of taking care of me. Learning to have patience. Damn, I am making an action plan. Better go back and read my blog again!

Simple Summer Spontaneity

On July 17, 2013 By KitKatIn Uncategorized1 Comment

Sometimes it’s the simple things that make the biggest difference. Take this summer. It has been here in Minnesota for a few weeks now. (A few weeks late, I might add.) But unlike usual, summer just hadn’t sunk in. It felt like every other day … other than I had different wardrobe options.

Usually summer frees up something in me. All the normal tasks and daily grind get lighter. I feel more carefree. It has always had a magical effect. I feel like I can get through anything as soon as I step outside. I am sure this is enhanced by spending months not seeing blue sky or sun. Summer for me is like Dorothy landing in Oz and everything is in technicolor. But this year, for some reason, summer has just been going by. Maybe it was the late start. Perhaps it’s a busier job with more responsibility. Or worse, another one of those getting older things that I keep learning about (so far none for the better). Whatever it was, summer has been slipping by me.

Last night though, I finally found the fix. I sat chatting with my neighbor as our five-year-olds played in the front yard. Nothing too unusual except it was later than I would normally call it quits. (I’m a stickler for bedtimes. I like my couple of hours a night with no children.) But, they were having such a good time we decided to fight off the mosquitoes and to deal with the crabbiness we knew would be facing us in the morning with over-tired kids.

Finally, heading in at almost 10:00, my neighbor said, “let’s not let the night end. Let’s walk to Freestyle.” I went inside to grab my wallet and my son who was reading in bed. “Get up if you want to go get yogurt!” A frozen yogurt bar with tons of indulgent toppings had recently opened up a few blocks away. The look on my sons face showing cool mom points were scored, and my husband’s eye-rolling suggesting we had sipped on too much wine, made it even more perfect of an idea. Complete spontaneity which always gives me a high. Back outside I was greeted with wine poured into snow cone cups for our walk.

Watching my usually “too cool” son pretend to race and lose with the littler girls, as we headed down, was one of those rare moments you think you did something right as a mom … sibling harmony is elusive in our house. We ran into many neighbors along the way including one of our hockey families, I hadn’t seen since the season ended. All returning from the yogurt shop. The girls loved seeing the teenagers (many of them their sitters) passing by and waving on their bikes as they were headed there to hang out.

The place was packed. I also learned that the owner was an attraction for the moms of the neighborhood. I still haven’t spotted him myself but what a great marketing ploy – create a place that draws the attention of both moms and kids.

Walking home in the dark I grabbed my son’s hand, expecting him to pull back which always happens with any sort of public affection. But instead of shaking me off, he spent the rest of the walk blabbering about baseball plays to us and holding my hand the whole time as we watched the girls giggling and running ahead of us.

It sounds simple and silly, probably pretty trivial. But, I finally had my summer kick-off moment. The “Ah Ha” moment I needed to remember to enjoy the perks of the season. A time when nothing seems quite as daunting. Where everything seems brighter. I didn’t need a special moment; I just needed to be in the moment. And it was the simplest things that brought me there.

Now, if I can just hold on to that and apply it to rest of the complicated thoughts swarming in my head.

My, what big eyes you have

On June 22, 2013April 19, 2024 By KitKatIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

My first attempt at writing of a blog was when I adopted my daughter from Korea. I saw it as a way for me to share with everyone who had been so supportive through our journey and as a journal for Chloe when she got older. I had heartfelt plans to keep it up, but once back home and in “normal routine,” life and parenting took over. It was the same as my son’s memory book that ended at age two, but now I had two kids and even less time. I was able to get one additional post done the past five years. Another example of my grand parenting aspirations replaced with just trying to be a “good enough” mom. Every once in a while I still put it on my to-do list because I know there will come a time that Chloe has questions. And with many pieces of her history missing, I want to at least provide her all the details about the past that I am part of.

Before adopting I read everything I could get my hands on about issues she might have and ideas to help her. I listened intently during all of the adoption classes. I whispered reassurances and promises in her ear on the long flight home. But, to be completely honest, once we settled in to our family I haven’t thought much about Chloe’s adoption. It is not because I don’t care. It is simply that Chloe is my daughter. There isn’t a difference to me between my two children. I don’t think of it. I love her and she can make my heart soar with her beautiful smile and hugs and also can drive me nuts two minutes later. The only difference I see is that – unlike my son – her tantrums include a really high pitched screech.

You may wonder how I cannot be faced with it every day – she is Korean and I am not. It is hard to explain but I look at Chloe more than myself. Like my son, I see myself reflected in her. She just looks like my daughter and like our family. When I get asked questions about where she is from or glances, it takes me a minute to register how they know. And, until now her only question has been “why does bubba (her name for her brother) look different then rest of us?” His “yellow” hair sets him apart from the rest of our dark hair.

The one thing I do notice about Chloe’s looks is that she is stunningly pretty (at least to her mom). I make a point to discuss all her other assets and the things she is good at so not everything is focused on her looks.

Well, the other night she surprised us. In a very sad voice she announced, “My eyes are littler than everyone else’s.” As stunned as I was, all the things I had read about and my own “mom sense” had me ready to help her though this and discuss anything she wanted. The problem is she is five. So as I began talking, I was interrupted with another important question, “When can I have real pixie dust so I can fly?” This was a harder question for me and a much bigger issue for her. This is the third morning I have been woken with “can I have real pixie dust for my birthday?”

In a few weeks, Chloe has her first week of Korean camp which I hope will be the start of a lot of information and prompt open discussions. Now if anyone can just help me with where to get pixie dust. Adoption I am ready to tackle with all honesty and full disclosure, but her imagination I want to keep intact as long as possible.

Chick Click

On May 28, 2013 By KitKatIn Girlfriends, UncategorizedLeave a comment

I am lucky to have an incredible group of girlfriends. I think most women would say that. But, I know I’m a bit nuts and my girlfriends are there for me through thick and thin. Actually, they all have their own bit of crazy which makes them that much more amazing. I couldn’t imagine getting through the ups, downs or mundane times in life without them. And, because this is the one area of my life in which I’m completely satisfied, I never question if it could be better or try to look for ways to change it.

It isn’t that I don’t like meeting new people or see value in expanding my circle. I am just busy and there is never enough time to enjoy the friends I already have. (Granted, I can’t ever imagine saying there is enough time with them. Yet, my husband’s opinion may be that they get the vast majority of my time.) So, I do not seek to make new, close friendships. Though, I enjoy making new acquaintances. Like all things, though, sometimes you can’t control what happens.

Once in awhile, I just run into someone, and it is an instantaneous “chick click.” These are women that I have an immediate draw toward (almost a magnetic pull). One of my friends calls it my “girl crush.” Usually, they are chance meetings in random places:

A yoga teacher I met at a Power Plate class (after a tequila happy hour, our bond was sealed)
A neighbor I never met ringing our doorbell on Halloween night (an offer of wine for her treat was all it took)
A woman I met in Korea while we were both adopting, and we met up for a few drinks in a hotel bar prior to meeting our children (and ending with her knocking on the Eastern Orphanage windows to get back in past curfew)

Please note: I realize all of these also have a drink or two involved, but isn’t that where most good stories start?

Each of these are women I instantly bonded with. The draw came before the drinks. My crazy could feel their crazy. And I mean no offense to them by crazy. As my yoga friend would say—embrace your crazy. These bonds for me come from the women who on the outside are so put together and shock you when they say they don’t have their shit together. I love them because they admit it. Nothing endears someone to me quite like admitting a bit of crazy. These are the girlfriends where it is no holds barred on being silly, sharing, laughing, and getting you through life.

The other night I met another one. (I need more time—or less work.) We had a dinner party. My “trick-or-treat” girlfriend brought another couple. Drinks around the table. Good food. More drinks. Tons of laughs. My neighbor had to leave early, since she was flying out for work the next day. Pretty soon husbands tire out and my “new” friend and I decide to keep going. This is when the bond is sealed. We stay up sharing, talking till … who knows, but way longer than we should. Mixed within our conversations were a lot of, “wow, I like you a lot!” and making of future plans.

Will we get to all these plans? Probably not. But even after only a few hours of sleep (with kids raring to go), I wake up with a big smile and I ride the high all day. It’s like a great first date that went too far. Except no regrets after!

Unlike a first date, I know I will see her again and she liked me too. Neither of us will worry if we don’t connect for awhile (wondering what it means or what we did wrong). And, when we get back together, there will be no problem picking right back up.

I love times when I forget I am anything but me (not a wife, employee, boss, mother, daughter). Just fully enjoying the moment and living completely in the present. That is where my girlfriends bring me. So to all my girlfriends, thank you—you have no idea all you get me through and the pure joy you add to my life. Yes—I would choose you over my wine! XOXO

Lazy parenting tip

On May 14, 2013May 19, 2013 By KitKatIn Children, Uncategorized2 Comments

Sometimes after a long day at work, one of the worst commands I can hear is, “Play with me.” Worse yet, it is often self-inflicted from having snapped about no more electronics or instructed them to go find something to do. To balance my guilt from not seeing my children enough with my exhaustion of work and family schedules, I have become a master at creating lazy parenting “family fun times.”

Tonight’s newly discovered lazy parenting tip: Balloon Challenge

This game is great if you have a few balloons handy. All you need to do is pour yourself a drink and plop down in your favorite spot. Once comfortable, then challenge your kids to keep a balloon in the air. If it touches the ground they get a point. Kids can move and run around. Parents can’t get up (best rule of the game).

If it seems like you’re losing momentum and you still haven’t finished the magazine you’re flipping through (yes, you can play, drink, talk to your spouse and comb through a magazine all at the same time), simply add more balloons. How many can they keep up at a time? Not only does this game keep my kids happy, it lets me interact with the kids and be lazy all at the same time.

Some may be shaking their heads, sad at the fact I am not enjoying every precious moment with my children. Perhaps someday, I will look back with regret, nostalgic for the days of young children. But while in the midst of it, there is an unending amount of moments, so if I can grab a few for myself all the better. Plus, I figure it’s better than setting the clock ahead and pretending it’s bedtime.

The best testament to this lazy parenting tip: My kids went to sleep tonight talking about our fun family night and asking when we can play again. I like finding ways to be considered an awesome mom without much effort!

Easier Said Than Done

Category: Uncategorized